By Naomi Goldman, Executive Director – Lev Tov Match
Let’s be honest, dating is hard for most people. But if you’re neurodivergent, like many of our amazing Lev Tov Match applicants, it can feel like trying to read invisible signs in a language no one ever taught you.
One of the biggest challenges I hear from the people who apply to Lev Tov Match, especially those with autism or ADHD, is around social cues. What’s a joke? What’s flirting? What’s too much? Too little? It can feel overwhelming.
Let’s talk about it because you are not alone.
1. Flirting Feels Like a Puzzle With Missing Pieces
At Lev Tov Match, I’ve had so many conversations with people who say they just don’t get flirting. They ask, “Was that person being nice, or did they like me?” And honestly, that’s a fair question.
For neurotypical people, flirting is often based on subtle things, like body language or tone of voice. But for neurodivergent people, those clues can easily be missed or misread. It’s not that you’re doing anything wrong, you just speak a different social language. And that’s okay.
2. Body Language and Eye Contact Are Unclear
Many of our Lev Tov friends tell me that eye contact feels uncomfortable, and facial expressions are confusing. They often worry they’ve upset someone without meaning to or completely missed a sign of interest.
One person told me, “I thought the date was going well until they said I was being cold… but I was just trying not to stare!”
Another person told me that their date “kept looking at their phone so I looked at mine and then we didn’t speak for ages.”
It’s these little things that can cause so much misunderstanding and can feel stressful.
3. The Dating “Rules” Are Just… Too Much
Dating is full of unwritten rules, like when to text, what to say, and how to act. These are hard for anyone, but especially tricky if you like structure, routine, or direct communication, as many of our Lev Tov applicants need.
One Lev Tov applicant said to me,
“I’d rather someone just say what they feel. I don’t understand mind games.”
And I couldn’t agree more.
4. Fear of Getting It Wrong (Again)
After a few tricky experiences, it’s natural to worry.
“Did I say too much?”
“Was I too honest?”
“Did I miss something important?”
I’ve spoken to people who said they gave up trying to date for years because of one confusing or upsetting moment. That kind of fear builds up. And it makes people feel like connection isn’t possible for them.
But that’s exactly why Lev Tov Match exists, to show that real, meaningful connections are possible.
5. Masking Is Exhausting
Some of our applicants tell me they’ve spent years pretending not to be who they really are on dates, copying the behaviour they are shown, hiding their stims, avoiding special interests in case their date thinks they are silly. They mask to be accepted, and it leaves them drained and questioning who they are.
One person shared, “Even when the date goes well, I come home feeling like I wasn’t really me. Like I couldn’t show my actual self”
At Lev Tov Match, we encourage people to unmask. To be real. Because your real self is enough. And your real self is lovable.
You’re Not Broken, You Just Deserve Better Understanding
If you’re neurodivergent and struggling with dating: you’re not alone, and you’re definitely not broken. Your way of connecting, loving, and communicating is just as valid as anyone else’s and no one should make you feel like your needs don’t matter.
At Lev Tov Match, we work with each person to understand their communication style. We don’t expect you to “play the game.” We focus on values, personality, and shared interests, not just body language or first impressions. We also challenge you on your expectations, this isn’t just a match for you, it’s a match for the other person too and there is a need for flexibility from both matches.
And if you’re dating someone who’s neurodivergent, patience, openness, and a willingness to ask direct questions (“Do you like when I message often?” or “do you like chatting about my interest?” Can go a very long way and also open up the gates for a deeper conversation.
This Is Why Lev Tov Match Exists
Lev Tov Match was created because we know how hard it is to find love or friendship when you don’t fit the typical mould. Many of our applicants have never been on a date before. Some have never had a close friendship. Almost all of them just want someone to understand them and give them a chance.
At Lev Tov Match , we use a mix of human matchmaking and technology to create matches based on the whole person, not just a form. We believe in making dating accessible, pressure-free, and hopeful again.
Because everyone deserves connection.
And sometimes, all it takes is someone who truly gets you.
Visit Lev Tov Match for more information:
https://www.levtovmatch.com/
